Thursday, September 17, 2009

My Nose the Nipple

We briefly discussed the state of my nose in the last blog. Suffice it to say, I have always hated it. It is petite and turned up on the end. My revulsion to it is because you can see up it while looking at me, straight on. I have always had a little bit of the “Miss Piggy” sense about it and am constantly worried that I might have a “visitor” which a friend of mine use to refer to as a booger. It is slightly round on the tip, but not in a horribly bulbous way. Most people don’t even notice really, and some envy my little nose but as of late, there is no getting around “noticing it” especially at the gym.

A few weeks ago, while I was out running errands I noticed a “Free Kittens” sign. Now, I know there is no such thing as a “free” pet, I have worked with animals for years and understand the commitment involved, but I had also never been this long without the companionship of a cat. Most people think I am a dog person, outwardly that is the impression I give off, however, I am a cat worshiper. I had spoken with my boyfriend about the possibilities of welcoming a new furry feline into my life, and he had quickly voiced his disgust and abhorrence for cats. For several weeks, I had let the matter go instead I chose to get along, especially since this is a new relationship. Did I mention he is a sailor and he was at sea when I spotted the life altering sign? I couldn’t defy my longing for the camaraderie and love of a kitten. I stopped, telling myself I would “look” and the rest is history!

She was 8 weeks old and wandered out of a dog crate and climbed my leg purring. I think it was the purring that completely sold me. They have proven that just petting an animal can lower your blood pressure. I am certain that being anywhere near a vibrating kitten can almost put you into a coma of pure happiness.

It wasn’t long before he found out. Why is it that cats have an affinity for computer keyboards? The next day while leisurely chatting with him on-line, our regular norm while he is at sea, she pounced across my keyboard and hit “enter”. He was certain that either I had just had a seizure, or I had gotten a cat. I thought long and hard about trying to convince him of the first scenario, but I figured he would eventually notice her blurred furry body dashing about the house and flying onto any passing dinner plate. Thank goodness he loves me; because his utter disgust and outrage was short lived admitting that he knew that my desire was so great it was only a matter of time before the house was abuzz with the sounds of a kitten.

Now, onto my dilemma, at 8 weeks I assumed she would be fully and happily weaned. However she has an attraction to my nose, to suckle on in the wee hours of the night. I should not feel to overwhelmed, or conscientious about the state of my life long hated nose, because indeed I have found her attached to the dog’s back, and even once eyeing his penis as a possible nipple, but somehow this does not totally squelch my apprehension and distress at the notion that I am walking around with what resembles a nipple on my face. Unfortunately, due to my unbreakable sleeping patterns I often don’t wake up until way into the suckling and kneading process and I awaken to find her tiny lips and sharp teeth wrapped around the end of my nose. I find this disturbing on a number of levels, however the worst of which is that after weeks of this process, and despite the fact that I pluck her from my face immediately, I am beginning to illustrate a small red ring around the tip of my nose, a kitten hickey, if you will. The irony of the situation is that the more often she suckles the tip of it at night, the more it really does begin to give the impression of being like a nipple, or at least “nipple like”.

Thank goodness I am a woman, and there is make-up, not specifically designed for such an incident (unless there are others out there??) but it works fabulously to mostly disguise it until I go to the gym or sweat in the summer’s sun. Try explaining that to your friends without being committed or condemned to some kind of pervert’s ward for the mistreatment of cats.


  1. awww...the poor little kitty, and the little nose it's attached to... :)

  2. Just came across your blog...I'm excited to read about someone else with experience dating a sailor! Looking forward to reading what you have to say!


  3. Hilarious! Sorry it's taken me so long to check out your blog...been busy moving and losing my mind.